Diana Kellawan's outward appearance told one story—homecoming queen, captain of the varsity cheerleading squad, popular and accomplished. But beneath the surface, a different reality existed.
Growing up in a home without Christ, Diana experienced trauma and abuse that left her feeling dark inside, angry, unloved, and filled with self-hatred and unworthiness. By the time she reached high school, she had already experienced the damage that darkness does to the soul.
Faced with a choice, Diana decided to become "the good girl" rather than follow friends down paths of drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity. She set ambitious goals: four years on the cheerleading squad, captain, all-state champion, homecoming queen, membership in prestigious sororities, and academic success to get into college.
She achieved every single goal. Yet despite her outward success, the inside remained dark and empty. The achievements didn't change how she felt about herself.
At 16, Diana had a vivid dream that she believes was from God. In it, she saw a long line of people waiting at the gates of heaven, with Jesus at the front welcoming each person in.Confident in her good behavior, Diana thought she had done everything right. But when her turn came, Jesus's countenance changed—he wept, bowed his head, and shook it "no."
This dream startled her and sparked a desperate question: if trying so hard to be good wasn't enough, how could she find true salvation?She joined Youth for Christ and went through the steps of salvation, but still didn't know the love of God and her soul was not yet converted.
The breakthrough came through reading a book her brother gave her—still highlighted from when she was 17 and 18 years old.Though she struggled to understand the Bible initially, she kept reading about Jesus and how he ministered to the broken, to women, to the Samaritan woman, and to the woman caught in adultery.
Carrying deep shame and secrecy, Diana was overwhelmed by love for the first time. God's love poured into her soul, and she literally felt a shift from darkness to light. Jesus introduced her to the love of her heavenly father, and she surrendered completely—willing to lay down even her very life.
Surrendering everything meant real sacrifice. Diana had to stop spending time with friends who were making choices she felt convicted to avoid. She lost the support of her family. God changed how she dressed, what she ate, and even led her to attend church on "the weird day"—the seventh day—where there were no other young people.
The cost included persecution, slander, and intense loneliness.
When asked if it was worth the cost, Diana's answer is a resounding yes. Echoing Paul's words about counting everything as loss for the surpassing knowledge of knowing God and the power of his resurrection, she testifies that the conversion was powerful.The peace, joy, and love she discovered made it worth everything.
Diana's message is clear: you can choose to do life without Jesus—either trying to be good or going into the world to do whatever—but that path leaves you empty, dark, and more damaged. She chose to experience life with all its trials and pain alongside God, and it has been worth the cost every single time.
Even in her best efforts, she realized she was not worthy—but Jesus is worthy. And Jesus loved her, loves her, and poured out his love into her life to transform her.
Millions of Americans could temporarily lose access to essential food assistance. Here's how we're going to help.
Part two of Diana Kellawan's powerful testimony about life transformation through faith and forgiveness.
Gather with us in this warm celebration of the season with the enchanting sounds of our church musicians.
Join us for a special Christmas Eve Service program led by families, for families!
